My children were 4 and 2-years-old when their father ended his life by suicide. With the pull of a trigger, the life that we knew was over. One decade later and we talk about him often; we have his pictures in their room; a flag, folded ceremoniously, in a triangle-shaped box that holds some of his medals.
Before he died, I might have assumed that grief eventually stopped. Perhaps there was a day that I thought mourning was a period of time. …
I probably wouldn’t mind having social anxiety if it wasn’t so damn expensive.
If I could tally up the amount of money I’ve lost…I’d refuse to do it, because of the shame it would bring. This is ironic considering that I hate shopping.
So how is it expensive? Let me give you a classic example that happened somewhat recently.
I love office supplies. My favorite thing in the world is to buy planners that I’m not going to use. (Okay, listen. I plan to use them. I do use them. Sort of. I usually get halfway through the planner. Ok…
Content warning: suicide
The day my husband died was the longest day of my life. It was neverending. If purgatory is real, it exists within the day that your loved one dies. Life unfolded before me as before. Seconds turned into minutes turned into hours. And yet, it wouldn’t stop. The day wouldn’t turn to night. When night finally visited, it dragged on into infinity.
I woke up that day, tired, weary. The fight from the previous day still fresh in my mind. …
CW: depression, suicide, self-harm
My son climbs mountains.
His favorite places are in a skate park or on the Appalachian Trail.
Within the last year, his body has hit hyperdrive and he towers over me. He loves watching his favorite YouTubers almost as much as he likes to retell the videos to me. His favorite class in school is “lunch.” His future goals include traveling the world. He’s the first to laugh at a joke and smiles easily.
My greatest fear is that one day I’ll find him like I found my husband.
He knows this.
Death, loss, mental health…
All that is left are false teeth and bifocals.
When Luke opens the wall locker, he sees a broken tea set. One of his duties in the assisted living community is the room turnover after the body is removed. This entails the packing of the late resident’s items, a thorough cleaning, and restoration to its original set-up. Notifying the family, calling the appropriate authorities, removing the body, are all tasks for other job titles.
He has worked diligently for the majority of the day, packing the belongings of yet another person who had spent their final months in his building…
I would write an exceptionally witty intro here, but I’m hiding from my children so I can explain to the world why kids are the best.
The early bird gets the worm! Right? Many CEOs talk about the morning rituals that amp them up for the day. I don’t think they have kids, but whatever. Statistically, no one has ever run a successful empire by waking up at noon (don’t fact check that, please).
I have four children with an age range of 2 to 14. I’m pretty sure I haven’t slept a full night since I was 19 (I…
Content warning: suicide
One morning, I woke up and the world that I knew was over. While our sons and I were asleep, my husband ended his life in our driveway.
I had spent the night in my toddler’s bed, my 2-year-old safely tucked against me. When I woke, the previous day’s fight was fresh in my mind. I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. Our marriage was likely headed towards divorce. We married extremely young, both military, making all the mistakes that everyone else does. He proposed out of fear that I’d be given orders to Japan or somewhere else…
Mine, too. I’d probably watch more but I have four kids who are literally crawling on me as we speak. Or, rather, as I type.
Do I have time for all that? Absolutely not. My go-to makeup is mascara and a face mask. But a girl can dream.
I am well into my 30s. At least, enough to keep saying I’m 33, when I’m really 34, and about to turn 35. I might have a problem. I wouldn’t say I’m extremely vain, but I might have clicked on the “Mommy Makeover” ad that a local plastic surgeon sent out. …
Hello my dear son,
I showed you your father’s wedding ring the other day. I modeled my engagement ring, my wedding ring. You slipped his ring on your fingers to see how close your hands are to his. It fit best on your middle finger, but still slid easily over your knuckle. You have more growing to do.
You’re 14-years-old. It’s amazing how fast the years go by. It’s funny, the differences between years and days. Years fly by, always. It doesn’t matter what happens within the days that compose them. They are always fast. …
Someone call 911, because I am killing this working-from-home-and-also-writing-gig. I have published a few articles on Medium. I am running a blog. I just broke 30,000 words on my debut novel that I basically started five years ago. Yeah. You can go ahead and call me a published author.
And I have the most supportive family and friends. Last I looked, I had 5 followers on Medium, one of which is my partner and two others are my friends. My career is taking off. I am on fire.
My best supporters are my children, though. Their ages range from 2…
I write a lot about trauma and healing. Empathetic to a fault. Daydreamer. Always behind on laundry. She/her